I am informed by and trained in two complementary approaches to couples counseling -- the Gottman method, and Emotion-Focused Therapy. The Gottman method is based on decades of research on relationships. It finds that to improve the health and longevity of a relationship our goal should be to improve communication, intimacy, and trust. To do that, we will use proven methods to deal constructively with conflict.

In that process, we will find that the emotions that are evoked by conflict, problem-solving, and each other will be both tools and obstacles. We will spend time paying attention to and communicating what is happening inside. Truly understanding yourselves, each other, and your relationship will be necessary to make the changes you want to see.

Couples counseling sessions last up to 75 minutes, in order to guarantee time to hear from both of you. I meet with couples weekly to begin - later in the process it is sometimes appropriate to meet less frequently.

When we first connect and meet I will describe the structure of the work, but it will start with four initial sessions. During those four weeks I will meet with both of you together but also meet each of you for an individual session so that I can get to know you each as individuals. After those four weeks of assessment we will have a picture of how I would work with you, and can decide whether moving forward feels right.

I meet with all my couples in-person in my Brunswick office. I find that it brings extra connection, clarity, and safety to meet in-person.

I understand that health insurance is often the most economical, or only, way to access counseling, and I bill to insurance for individual clients because of that. However, with couples, I have chosen not to bill to insurance, including out-of-network billing, because of the many obstacles insurance companies have created. These obstacles make it very challenging to provide ethical and sustainable couples counseling within their system.

There are many couples counselors who have found ways to work with the insurance system that they are comfortable with. I recognize that for many couples, they must use their insurance benefits, so I am always happy to help refer couples to counselors who can bill to their insurance.

I am a conditionally licensed LCPC (licensed clinical professional counselor), meaning that I have met the initial requirements for this license and am working under professional supervision to obtain the hours necessary for full licensure. As a result, I may sometimes speak about our work together with a supervisor, though I would not reveal your identity to my supervisor. After a number of years of supervised work I will apply for my full licensure.

Part of what makes therapy different from usual conversation is that it is a place where we talk about what we’re talking about. If you ever wonder why we are doing something, or not doing something, you can feel free to speak up. It is always appropriate for you to let me know if you are displeased, confused, or dissatisfied with what we are doing. The ensuing conversation is likely to be very useful for us all.

Checking our progress and changing direction are all normal parts of the counseling process. However, you should also always feel free to end counseling if either of you feel it is not working for you. I can help refer you to another professional who might better suit what you are looking for, or match you to other resources.

When you speak with a professional counselor, the privacy of our discussions is legally and ethically protected. I will never share them with anyone without your written consent. I will keep any records of our work secure and private, and communicate with you outside of session only in a confidential manner. Even the fact that we are working together is protected information that I would never reveal to others.

There are only a few legal and ethical exceptions to your confidentiality. Before we begin work, we will discuss those exceptions.

Counseling can be very important when the couple is going through a challenging time such as an emotional conflict or responding to infidelity. It can also be useful when the couple is confronting a transition such as moving in together, marriage, parenthood. Attending couples counseling simply to learn relationship skills and increase communication is also impactful for many couples.

However, it’s not always the right time to engage in couples counseling. Part of our initial assessment will be to determine if there are any issues which should be attended to first before couples counseling should begin.

Couples counseling will not be an instant cure for everything that is hard or painful right now. It is a tool which can allow you to address those hard and painful things, in a safe, compassionate way. What you can expect from the counseling process has a lot to do with what the two of you put into it. We will discuss new perspectives and skills that will need to be practiced and used outside of session. The couples that report the most impact from couples counseling are the ones who take the opportunity that it provides, are willing to do hard work in and out of session, both individually and together, and are motivated to see change. Some changes may come quickly in our work together, others will take time, effort, and practice.